As I Lay Dying

Uncle Bubba read the novel "As I Lay Dying" by William Faulkner many years ago and found it profoundly disturbing on many levels; he surmised that many people felt this way, but who knows? The story is written about Addie Bundren, the wife of Anse Bundren and the matriarch of a poor southern family, she is very ill, and is expected to die soon. Her four children wrestle with there individual perceptions of the event and the rather sizable questions of existence and identity. Addie's unorthodox wish to be buried near her blood relatives rather than with her own family is at the core of the story and sets of a tumult of actions by the family to honor her wish. In a critique of the story in Sparks Notes, Uncle Bubba would agree with the assertion the, "As I Lay Dying is, in its own way, a relentlessly cynical novel, and it robs even childbirth of its usual rehabilitative powers. Instead of functioning as an antidote to death, childbirth seems an introduction to it—for both Addie and Dewey Dell, giving birth is a phenomenon that kills the people closest to it, even if they are still physically alive. For Addie, the birth of her first child seems like a cruel trick, an infringement on her precious solitude, and it is Cash’s birth that first causes Addie to refer to Anse as dead. Birth becomes for Addie a final obligation, and she sees both Dewey Dell and Vardaman as reparations for the affair that led to Jewel’s conception, the last debts she must pay before preparing herself for death. Dewey Dell’s feelings about pregnancy are no more positive: her condition becomes a constant concern, causes her to view all men as potential sexual predators, and transforms her entire world, as she says in an early section, into a “tub full of guts.” Birth seems to spell out a prescribed death for women and, by proxy, the metaphorical deaths of their entire households."*

Not long after reading it, Bubbie put the novel out of his mind as anyone would an unpleasantry, but now it has resurfaced in the back of his mind as the matriarch of his own family, his mama is withering as he sits at her bedside. He is not only a witness to her ending from this life, but also a spiritually adept chronicler of the players in the Broadway show of her life. As he looks down at her and studies her features he can easily recall her best and beautiful youth. She was a petite, black haired beauty that could sing like an angel. Her enigmatic personality was complex and confusing to her children and much like the characters in the aforementioned novel, each had a vastly different experience and relationship with her. Uncle Bubba lovingly brushes back the hair on her forehead and considers himself blessed to be a Christian in these trying times; perhaps more devoutly Christian than his siblings as far as he can see, not to slight them for it but to grieve for them in their struggles to navigate life and this tense moment. Again Faulkner's cast of characters drift into his mind and he reckons that he's played each role in his mama's play. Cash Bundren, the eldest Bundren child and a skilled carpenter. Bubbie can sit in any corner of this ol' house and see his handy work. Cash is the paragon of patience and selflessness, almost to the point of absurdity. Darl Burden is the most sensitive and articulate. Jewel, the bastard child of Addie and Whitfield the minister. Jewel has a proud, fiercely independent nature that most of his family and neighbors confuse for selfishness. His passionate, brooding nature, however, reveals a real love and dedication to his mother, and he becomes a fierce protector. Vardaman is the youngest of the Bundren children. He has a lively imagination, and although his ramblings at the beginning of the novel border on the maniacal, Vardaman proves to be a thoughtful and innocent child. Bubbie has been all of these and none of them at one time or another, he feels that poignantly now at this tired time of transition.



Uncle Bubba can hear his mama's big clock in the other room: tick... tick... tick... tick... tick... tick... Time is all they have now. It may be short or tick on slowly and inscrutably. The players will enter and leave to play their narcissistic roles until the final scene, which we all know, like in the novel only sets off the beginning of a story. The will look upon her face but like Narcissus will only see their own reflection as when he caught sight of his own reflection in a pool, he sat gazing at it in fascination, wasting away without food or drink, unable to touch or kiss the image he saw. Uncle Bubba floats in and out of these early memories and false realities to reassure himself of the reason that he his here in the first place. In Bubbie's view, he is honored to share this time with his mama and be a good and faithful son until she decides that it is time for that chapter of his life is closed.




* SparkNotes Editors. “SparkNote on As I Lay Dying.” SparkNotes LLC. 2003. http://www.sparknotes.com/lit/asilay/themes.html (accessed December 27, 2016).

Who Do You Agree With?

Uncle Bubba was driving down the road in his old Ford pickup truck with the windows down and the radio playing. He was taking in the scenery and the beauty of nature and fondly thinking on his loved ones and how fortunate he is to have good relationships that enrich his life. He knows that not everyone is so fortunate, and truth be told there are some people that Uncle Bubba doesn't have a good relationship with; of course, he's human and we are born into this imperfect world. However he has renewed his mind to think upon the best things of life and not dwell on his disappointments and failures. He watched a hawk soar over a meadow, effortlessly gliding on the air and marvelled at it's beautiful markings and grace in flight, yet knew that it was hunting and looking to dive on some unsuspecting furry little rodent. He aimed his eyes back on the road as an old song came on the radio, it was Bob Dylan singing, "Gotta Serve Somebody".  Man that's a good song! Uncle Bubba tapped his fingers to the beat of the song as he took in the simplicity of the lyrics; simple but so powerful, so true. Relationships are so tricky; aren't they? When we are in a relationship, be it an acquaintance or a full blown partnership, we are in agreement with one another; we have commonalities, mutual likes and ideas, goals, etc. But it gets complicated when the people that we are in agreement with do things that we don't agree with. Sure, we never know what people do in the dark but what if things come to light and something's unseemly and you think it's immoral? Do you remain in the relationship, justifying your part? Do you cling to it to get what you want, even though that means compromising your principles?

Uncle Bubba drove on through the back country roads, through shady woods and sunny meadows. He crested a hill and the road ran along a swift running brook that ran beneath the hardwoods. With his window down he could smell the moisture that hit the back of his throat with a tanginess. It smelled wet but clean before he drove back out into the sun; the brook meandered and disappeared behind him. He passed an old farm house with a manicured vegetable garden grown in the side yard. A herd of cows grazed out yonder. They were variegated in brown, white, and black and curiously all facing the same direction as cows do.

Uncle Bubba told me that he knew a man, Mr. Sims, who was betrayed by a man and angry enough about it that he was willing to use a gun to gain retribution; thankfully he didn't. Not too long after that, a dear friend of ol' Mr. Sims was betrayed in much the same way by Mr. Hill whom he thought was a friend. It just so happened that Mr. Sims was also a friend to, and very much in agreement with Mr. Hill; they did business together. Well what do you think ol' Mr. Sims did? Did he stay in agreement with spiteful Mr. Hill, his friend's betrayer, or walk away to be a good friend? After all, Mr. Sims knew what it felt like to be badly betrayed: the pain, the sense of loss. Well ol' Mr. Sims stayed in agreement with shady Mr Hill, which revealed the content of his character. Yes, he tried to still be a friend to the man harmed but it was an impossible task as long as he stayed in agreement with the offender. In Bubbie's view, before we are too hard on ol' Sims we should realize that too often this is how most of us would act. We try to stay in the middle but staying in the middle doesn't make a good friend. No, just 'cause we do it doesn't make it right, righteousness is a difficult thing but that doesn't mean we shouldn't live that way. Mr. Sims choice to compromise his values made it easy for Uncle Bubba to walk away from his friendship with ol' Sims. As his mama used to say that you're known by the company you keep.

Johnny Cash was a-singin' on Bubbie's radio as he turned into his drive, "You can run on for a long time, run on for a long time, run on for a long time... Sooner or later God'll cut you down..." Dang thats a good'un! Bubbie pulled up to the end of his drive and put his truck in park. He sat and listened to that song and reminisced about the wonderful sights he just saw. He marvelled at the majesty of nature. He watched the laundry that Sweet Pea had hung on the line sway in the breeze and he reckoned that he was about the most blessed man alive. He surely married the right woman and they've been growing closer and stronger for over 30 years now. That's what folks do that stick together. He smiled about her as he looked over her neatly planted flower garden.

Liars lie. They have to because if they stop the foundation of their relationships crumble. Cheaters cheat. Once a cheater, always a cheater; that's the way they respond to pressure. Thieves steal because they feel entitled to take what they want. That friend that's a backbiter is running you down when you're not around, you'd better believe it. If you discover that you're in agreement with someone like this, run and don't look back. Don't waste your time trying to fix them, don't wait for things to get better, don't hang on to get what you can from them. Leave. No one needs fake friends and users. In Bubbie's view, you may think that you can sidle up to a skunk but you may not want to; you'll be carrying that stink on you for a long, long time.