The Civility War

During these winter days, even in the south, we have a little more time to slow down and reflect on things. Perhaps the long, dark evenings have something to do with that but only if we resist the constant glow of our everpresent tech devices that serve as a distraction from what we might or should be mulling over. Watching several TV shows and movies recently set in times prior to cell phones and such, I have been struck with the time that people within the plots of the stories had to sit and think things through. Detectives process clues and lovers consider their love and devotion. Of course, we can still do this today if we so choose, we just have to keep it at the forefront of our minds that this option is always there.

I realize that I've offered conflicting ideals of choosing a path away from, let's say electronic devices while using TV to reiterate my point but I'm only human with a limited intellect--haha! I also think that in the path of getting away from tech devices is why I enjoy spending time with Uncle Bubba and Aunt Sweet Pea. They live in a slower paced, more thoughtful world. Sure, they have TVs, a computer and cell phones but they are of a generation that doesn't adopt the notion that others have, that we cannot live without them; the truth is we can. It would just be a very different life than what we live today. Neither better or worse, just different. Personally, I'd say I'm at the age where I've lived half of my life without computers and a half with. I can see the benefits and deficits of both sides. This double vision isn't just technological, I've also lived half of my life in the North and half in the South and can say with certainty that there is a marked difference of inherent characteristics of each environment, not to say one is better than the other, or that I've discovered something new that hasn't been stated in a hundred different ways because it has. However, in this era of the ever increasingly low standard of incivility, inflamed by technology via social media, it seems more pronounced to Uncle Bubba and me. Hold onto your hats 'cause here it is: folks from the South are gracious and folks from the North are pushy. Now before you all get your panties in a bunch let me say once again that neither quality is good or bad, just different. And if you live in either environment you are going to find life's path easier if you tend toward doing as the Romans do.

So let's take a look at these two ideas as to why neither is better than the other. Starting with graciousness, that carries a connotation of pleasantry and amiableness wrapped in courtesy and for the most part that's correct. However, one can use that type of language and be vague, miserable and even rude. I found, especially through my relationship with Uncle Bubba that Southerners like to use colloquialisms to express things and some are to warn you or get a strong point across. An example of this can be seen in an expression of anger, "I'll jerk a knot in your tail!" With that said, you'd better believe that some angry action might take place if the offender didn't take heed.

Northerners, on the other hand, tend to voice their opinions in plain, blunt, and obtrusive utterances, even when oftentimes the less said the better. As an example, Uncle Bubba recently told me a story about his auntie Charlene who lived her entire life up north; yes, she's a Yankee. She came to visit and Uncle Bubba took her around to meet some folks and they paid a visit to a friend of the family, a lady who was from South Carolina. They traveled a beautiful country lane lined with live oaks dripping Spanish moss. Across a mown green field they saw her white, Greek revival home come into view and it was grand as they turned into her circular driveway. As Auntie Charlene described it, "It was a monstrosity of a thing. Disgusting if you ask me. One little old lady living in a house big enough for several families." Well, fortunately for Bubbie that was reserved for the family in the privacy of their vehicle. Uncle Bubba said that it was "a big ol' place" and "nice enough".

"The old lady invited us in and welcomed us into her parlor," said Bubbie. "She served us iced tea as we made small talk. She told us a few anecdotes about her family when Auntie Charlene spoke up and asked about some paintings of plants on the walls. 'Oh those are paintings of ta-bacca,' the old lady says."

"Tobacco! Auntie Charlene yells, all bug-eyed" Bubbie howls with laughter at his own recollection and description of the events. "I was thrown off by Charlene's say-so." He laughed again before continuing, "She went on a spell to tell that old woman about the evils of tobacco and the damage it can do to our health and if y'all don't think that put a bee in the ol' girl's bonnet. I didn't know whether to spit or go blind; then I thought that maybe I'd just duck. Before Charlene could draw another breath Mrs. Ta-bacca of South Carolina shut 'er down with a 'Bless your heart'." Bubbie's eyes grew big as he said it and he tilted his head forward in a knowing glance. "She then proceeded to tell us how tobacco was their family legacy and that her deceased husband, 'God rest his soul' had even served as president of the South Carolina Tobacco Grower's Association." Bubbie roared with laughter. "And Auntie Charlene took it like sucking on a sour lemon... but she took it."

So there you have it, the civility war. I laughed at Bubbie and his story; I could imagine his embarrassing discomfort, his Auntie Charlene's Yankee forwardness and the ol' lady's boiling annoyance. The prize was that they were all in the same room, face to face, having an actual conversation. They weren't blasting their opinions into cyberspace. And I'm sure that much of the old lady's graciously angry rebuttal was lost on aunt Charlene as is apt to do with Northerners. But in the end, they all composed themselves and attempted to get on in goodwill.

And I reckon that that's the lesson of the whole deal: the two sides both think that they're righteous and can't see any other way. We don't wanna put down our cell phones, we don't wanna walk in anyone else's shoes, we don't want a united country, a United States of America; we're planted deep like an ancient oak in our personal truisms. In Bubbie's view, it's the means to our end.