The Great Hog Roundup

Uncle Bubba and the Duke had quite a weekend. The Duke is having a pestiferous wild hog issue at the ranch and called Bubbie to join in the havoc of dispensing of the sounder. (Yankee translator: a sounder is a herd of wild boars) The wild boar are rooting up his pastures and ravishing everything in sight. Friday night they dispersed a pungent washtub of swill in the trouble spot to lure the sounder to the bait. At day break, the Duke, Bubbie and the cowboy crew met at the barn to make the plan. The cowboys unloaded in their dogs and horses as the Duke and Bubbie pulled up. They were wide-eyed as the Duke unloaded an arsenal of weaponry.

“Alright men,” the Duke says, “the plan is that we’re gonna take as many of these hogs as we can.”

“Uh, I dunno about shootin’ round my dogs.” one of the hands says nervously.

“Well then… we’ll grab as many as we can…” the Duke pauses, “but if we have to shoot, we will. Now let’s get down the lane, they’re waitin’ on us.”

Heading down the grassy lane between the pastures in the light, early morning fog, Bubbie spotted the dark profiles of stocky beasts rooting under a large live oak.

“They’re right there Duke!” he said excitedly pointing to the area where they had dumped the swill the night before.

“Let the damn dogs out!” the Duke yelled through his windshield. Unfortunately the cowboys were too far ahead to hear and hadn’t yet seen the beasts. Finally one loose dog cut out after the hogs and the fracas began! The men were sure that the hogs would split up and scatter into the woods lining the pastures but they circled the small pond and emerged from the other side like a 16 car freight train chugging down an adjacent lane and breaking across a pasture. The Duke had all ready wound up the white diesel Ford pickup and set out after them. He rounded the corner of the lane and gunned it down the straightaway. Dale Earnhardt Jr. had nothing on the Duke as the sod flew and he had ‘er fishtailing over the bumpy ground. In a streak of lightning he threaded the big Ford through the open pasture gate and broke into the pasture.

“You can turn’em if you beat’em to the corner!” Bubbie yelled.

“I got’em.” the Duke calmly replied as the tree line approached rapidly.

Sure enough, he turned the wild little freight train of hogs and they bolted back down towards the far end of the pasture. By now the cowboy with the cage of cattle dogs in the back of his truck had caught up and was bounding parallel to the Duke across the pasture with the freight train of hogs charging between them. The cowboy’s tailgate was down and the coup gate was open and there were dogs flopping out of the back with every bump. Stunned they’d get to their feet and realize the melee was on and the hogs were fair game. They fearlessly charged into the herd and the hogs dispersed. The Duke slammed on the binders and stopped the truck. They hurriedly bailed out to wrangle hogs. Uncle Bubba bolted around the back of the truck to find the Duke holding the biggest black boar by the hind legs, wheelbarrow style, and a dog latched onto each ear. The sound of hogs squealing, dogs barking and growling and men yelling was fearsome. The two men yelled and kicked at the dogs to try and shake them from the boar and get after another.

“Yaw! Git! Bubbie, grab a rope!” the Duke commanded. “Let’s get this one tied so we can get another.”

After hog tying the snarling squealing black monster, they looked around the pasture and each cowboy was on a hog. The dogs were still excited, yapping and biting at the hogs tied up and laying on the damp sod. The men smiled at one another as they looked over the captured quarry.

“We’ll load’em in the back of my truck and take’em up and put’em in the trailer.” says the Duke.

“Put’em up in the front and untie’em.” one of the cowboys croaks.

“Ah-ight.”

The Duke and Bubbie unloaded the hogs into the trailer.

“Shut the gate.” the Duke orders from inside the trailer. Uncle Bubba wonders how the Duke is going to untie these hogs without getting mauled inside that trailer, but the Duke has spent a lifetime handling livestock and fearlessly wrangled each one out of its rope cuffs. The Duke is Bubbie’s hero.

The hogs had little fight left in them by now and the Duke took command of them in short order and they were untied and cowering in the front of the trailer.

“That’s all right,” the Duke laughs, “Six hogs and not a shot fired.”

Yep, says Bubbie, “That’s cowboy huntin’!”

Bubbie checks his watch. “Hey it’s 8:00.”

“Time to get on the hawgs and ride to Daytona.” barks the Duke.

The two laugh as they hop into the pickup and head back to the house.