SOUTHERN HOROSCOPE

WHAT'S YOUR SOUTHERN SIGN?

Some of us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that read them. If we are to ever fully understand all the star signs and the people they represent, we need symbols that all true Southerners understand: See the list below...

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Are tough on the outside but tender on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. You can do something good each day if you try.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful they may surprise you. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. You love to stay busy and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20) You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. You always have a big smile and are happy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM (April 21 - May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy but seems to work for you! . You are a rare breed. Most folks love to watch you work and play. You are a night person and mind your own

business.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You run fast. You work and play hard. Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life, you are liked by most. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter, or eggs and a good time. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well. You are pure in heart.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects. You are a throw back. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky mating possibility.

Holiday Hangover

It’s been a while since I’ve visited with Uncle Bubba. Life often gets in the way of so many things that we’d much rather being doing; doesn’t it? Fortunately, we have the power to change that and we can get back to where we’d rather be with a little desire and determination. So I took a ride out the long dirt road to Uncle Bubba’s and Sweet Pea’s home in the country. As is routine they invited me in and the aroma the floated on the air was intoxicating as always with Sweet Pea’s cooking. On this winter’s afternoon she had a pork roast simmering in ginger ale, honey, dijon mustard and spices in a crock pot. We all took a seat at the kitchen table and visited; catching up on the lost days since we were last all together. The holidays have just past and the lethargic hangover is coming over us as the blah malaise of the winter days fold into one another. After all of the anticipation of the new year and new beginnings, it seems that we’re still waiting in less than enthusiastic baited anticipation.
“But for how long?” Bubbie asks. “I reckon that at some point we realize that it’s up to us; we have to get up and make things happen.”
That’s sage advice that we all know but often have to be reminded of. It always seems to be a little more poignant to me coming from a reasonable, plain and prudent person like Uncle Bubba.

As we sat in their cozy home and talked my thoughts kept returning to the event; sitting with good folks and visiting. It seems to be a lost, or if not lost, a waning custom. For one thing it takes time. One has to slow down and be committed to making the effort to get together and engage in undistracted and polite conversation. It’s nice; enjoyable even. And I always come away from each experience feeling as if I’ve gained something. Bubbie and I have talked about this very thing time and again and I recall him saying, “A lazy man don’t roast any game, but the diligent feast on the riches of the hunt.” It’s a paraphrased verse from the bible; Proverbs 12:27. It’s also the one of the off key statements of candor that Bubbie makes that sticks with you. Obviously it’s his way of saying don’t be lazy. Sure, easier said than done; but always worth it.

I must admit that I came to this visit because I recently found out that a dear friend of mine had passed away while I was out of town. Few people knew of it. One of Kenny's last wishes was that he didn’t want to raise a fuss so his wife kept it low key. I only found out about his passing by chance when my wife ran into his wife in the grocery store. She returned home and delivered the sad news. Why is it that we only get a clear picture of the important things in life when some tragic event pops up? For me it’s the people in my life, my relationships that mean the most. We’re always going to stop in a visit this person and invite over that person, but it seems that we seldom do. We have too many “me” things to look after but as soon as we get those things done and out of the way we’ll make time for others. Yeah right. I reckon that’s backwards folks and I’m as guilty as you. We don’t know when someone’s passing or even our own will come. Maybe that’s the point, that if we bury our heads in our own crap we won’t have to think about it. So how’s that working out for ya? Me? Not so good. I’ve found out over and over again that I usually get what I need much faster if I’m helping others. Something I heard Zig Ziglar preach countless times much later in my life. But too soon I fall back on old narcissistic habits and the cycle goes ‘round again. But I can promise that I will never stop trying to get on a new cycle and stay on it.

In talking to Sweet Pea and Uncle Bubba, he mentioned that he was recently chatting with someone about trying too hard. The person was worn out from trying and getting very little in the way of progress. This person was sure that if she just hung in there and kept trying that sooner or later she’d get the result that she was after.
“True enough.” said Bubbie, “But sometimes we have to learn to let go. Sometimes we have to realize that we’ve hit a wall and it’s time to take a new path. Didja ever notice that y’all often get what ya wanted as soon as y’all stopped looking for it?”
I had to admit that it was true. How many times have my keys turned up after I’ve torn the house apart 3 times without finding them. Then after I’ve given up and got focused on other things, I find them by chance in the most inconspicuous place. Or like they say, you never find your true love until you’ve stopped looking for them. In Bubbie’s view it’s because you have to give the Universe a chance to breathe. So here I go. I’m bucking the system and making things happen. I am determined to start new beginnings while fostering my relationships. No sir, no hangover here. It’s time to feast on the riches of the hunt.