Love & Friendship - It's A Mess

Uncle Bubba cut on his TV Sunday morning and the pastor Keith Butler was in the middle of a sermon. He was telling an anecdote about when he was a youth and wanted to hang out with his friends. His father said, "those people are not your friends, they are just people you know. You won't know who your friends are until your down in hard times and someone sees you through it and stands by your side; that's your friend. And you might only meet one or two in your entire life." Wow, Uncle Bubba wished that he had a daddy that would have told him these types of foundational insights. 

Love has never been a difficult thing for Bubbie. He loves people. But he's often confused love and friendship. Even after living half a century he has struggled with this idea, that just because you love someone, that does not make them your friend. In fact, Jesus commanded us to love our neighbor. That's it. He didn't say we had to like our neighbor or skip over your mean neighbor to love your nice neighbor. He simply said to love your neighbor. Hoo-doggy, that's a tough one!

But in regard to friends, Jesus said the following, "You are My friends if you do what I command you." (John 15:14) There is a lot wrapped up in that statement but here's Uncle Bubba's take on it; first, even with Jesus, there are conditions for friendship, boundaries if you will. Secondly, friends make an effort to be friendly. Some dictionary terms of being friendly are kind, helpful, favorably disposed; inclined to approve, help, or support. So to be a friend we should be amicable and supportive. If people aren't treating Uncle Bubba that way, then they aren't his friend. It seems obvious but in real life practice, it's much more difficult to discern when emotions and such are involved.

These friendly qualities are generally easy for Uncle Bubba. Perhaps it's his personality and somewhat attributable to his early influences. He was a Boy Scout and their Law is to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Forty years later he can rattle them off by heart and readily admits that they cross his mind frequently; especially when he runs up against someone that is cross or just plain mean.

"So there ya go," says Bubbie, "we're right back to the crux of my struggle. I've had to learn, at an older age and you know what they say about old dogs, that just because I love someone doesn't mean that they are my friend. But in my view, I'm gettin' to be OK with just people I know."