Dysfunction Junction What's Your Function

Uncle Bubba sips his coffee and gazes out the window of a diner. It sits at the corner of a busy intersection in Toms River New Jersey. The brilliant sunshine does little to warm the cold air as it reflects off of the diner's chrome exterior. Uncle Bubba can feel the cold on his left arm and shoulder that's nearest the window. It's oversized pane of glass is nearly as transparent to temperature as it is to its view. There's a "plink" as Bubbie rests his coffee cup back down on upon its saucer. Like a well timed miniature diner bell it seemed natural that the waitress then approaches to take his order. She's pleasant and plays her role perfectly and he thought that she must because she's undoubtedly practiced it thousands of times. As she parts to go place his order they are genuinely smiling at each other.

Bubbie turns his attention back to the scenes outside the diner. The traffic passes hurriedly, the far lane hidden by an ever present and continual concrete barrier. They also use chain-link fencing to divide the roadways and one cannot turn left from the left lane in many cases. You have to turn right from the right lane and enter what they call a "jug handle" which is a side road, like an exit ramp on a major highway. This poses an irritating dilemma for a driver that is not from the area because one must know prior to reaching an intersection if they need to be in the left lane to turn left, or three lanes over to turn right from the right lane to turn left. If you see a sign that says "All Turns" with an arrow to the right, then you know that you have to use a jug handle to turn left but beware, it may be before the intersection or right after meaning that you must drive thru the intersection that you want to turn left at before entering the jug handle and circling back around.

If that isn't frustrating enough, a jug handle may be next to a driveway of a plaza or even another, separate road intersection so in the bustle of trying to maneuver in traffic and not get in a wreck, you may inadvertently miss the jug handle turn and wind up heading off in a direction that is opposite of where you want to be heading. If this is the case, then good luck making it back to your original intersection to get back on track. Bubbie is sure that to the locals, this is nothing. But to the uninitiated and unfamiliar it's a dysfunctional and confusing affair. Being a visitor, Uncle Bubba realizes that it's their way and as odd as it all seems, it's not going to change. In Bubbie's view, it just reinforces his happiness to live in the south where many of the roads may be dirt and gravel but they lead to where a body wants to go.